A Bear's Tale
hear the most amazing stories on chairlifts. Especially six-packs or quads, where
you get the interaction of different groups. This story has been changed to protect
the innocent. I make no attempt to verify facts. Let's call it high-speed fiction.
Spring arrived early at
Majestic Mountain. Days were warm and skiers flocked to the slopes to enjoy some
great corn snow. The BBQ was going on the mid-mountain deck, the tunes were blaring
and the attitude was kicked back and mild.
"What a great day to come
out of my cave," thought little brown bear. "I smell something awfully good."
so it goes, the little brown bear wandered out to see where that aroma came from.
He blundered down the hill (ignoring the curious snowboarders and skiers) and
went right up to the deck to get a good whiff of some fresh burgers and grilled
chicken. Hark, the little brown bear created such a sensation. Ski area employees
rushed to secure the area from this little brown bear .. so imposing was he. Chairlifts
were closed, troops brought in. Finally the little brown bear was forced up a
tree from dutiful employees. The skiers went about their business of fun and the
little brown bear sat frightfully in his tree.
Being responsible ski operators,
the head honcho up there at Majestic Mountain called the head bear people and
told them about their little friend. The bureaucrats said they would send someone
up to dispose of the bear (the bear population being too large). But no! Certainly
they could just relocate the little fellow.. he was just hungry.. and not really
a threat to the ski population. (And think of that negative publicity). No - no
relocation, just disposal. No thanks said Majestic Mountain, this is private property
- we'll take care of the problem.
the alpenglow came about, those dutiful employees were determined to herd the
little brown bear back to his habitat. Lured down and herded towards home, he
was just about there when he got another whiff of fresh burger from another mountain
top restaurant. That little brown bear beelined it straight for that lakeview
restaurant.. and whoops, before you can say halt, he fell right in the pool! What
a site, that little brown bear traumatized by Jacuzzi's and air filters.. at least
he had the pool to himself. Well those Majestic Mountain employees were more determined
than ever to save this little bear.
They grabbed some fresh
burgers and once again lured this little bear towards safety. No one is quite
sure how they did it, but they got the little brown bear into a snowcat troop
carrier, happy with his meal, and off they went into the sunset. They freed the
little brown bear and smiled as they went down the mountain.
Well, the authorities up
at bear country didn't like it one bit. A citation came along with a hefty fine
for Mr. Majestic Mountain for illegally transporting wild animals. But we saved
his life! Alas, this kind of behavior is illegal in this state.
so.. that would be the end of this bear tale - but that little brown bear was
determined to come back for more burger. He showed up a few days later. This time
the bear preservation people came to take charge. (No one owns up to how they
knew when this little brown bear showed up again). And before you can say, "Call
Fish & Game", they had trapped that little brown bear and transported him
down the mountain (a little mystery here, the only way down the mountain is in
a state of the art - only one in America - lift that carries 28 passengers). We
believe the bear traveled alone.
So the bear preservation
people rushed away with little brown bear to take him to a bear safety house.
Unfortunately enroute, they were apprehended by those folks who want to decrease
the bear population. And so the story ends, with the fate of little brown bear
held in bureaucratic hands.
Poor little brown bear,
he just wanted a burger.